When Bernie and I first started dating two years ago, our living situations were not ideal. I was about to be a senior in college and was living off campus with two other girls in Boston, while Bernie lived about a half an hour away with his parents. Trying to juggle both of our schedules+him living far away+me stuck in the city without a car= stress. It was a very challenging first year of our relationship, but we made it work and became stronger because of it. Our time together was often scheduled a week in advance since he would have to travel into the city to come visit me. I would often load up on homework a few nights a week so that I could spend the next night with him distraction free. Weekends were even tougher. Since I did not have a car, there was no way for me to go see him – he always had to come to my house in the city, dealing with crappy parking options and driving across town to get to work. At the same time, we had personal lives that we tried to juggle as well. Luckily, everything changed after a year of dating.
Us at about week 3 or 4 of dating.
By living at home with his parents for a few years, Bernie was able to work really hard and save his pennies for a down payment on a condo. After about a year together, had I a good feeling that our relationship was moving in a certain direction. This wasn’t a fleeting “I’m just killing time and having fun in my Twenties” kind of thing. We were getting serious.
I remember that day that everything changed like it was yesterday. It was a Friday night — Bernie and I were at City Side in Cleveland Circle having dinner after work. It was a warm day for early Spring, so we were sitting outside on their roof deck. As we ate, he casually asked me if I wanted to “be his roommate.” I was immediately floored. We had only been dating for about 7 months, so the thought of living together at that point had never even crossed my mind. My mind was moving at warp speed. In the immediate seconds after he asked me the question, I thought about quite a few things. At that time, I was in the midst of trying to figure out my living situation for the next year. I was graduating from college and moving out of our apartment, but I had no one to live with. My roommate from college had just told me she was going to Miami for grad school, so I was left roommate-less. I didn’t want to live with random people, but I also couldn’t afford an apartment on my own with my contractor’s salary. I was stuck, frustrated, and nervous. Why was he asking me now? What was he thinking?
“Really? Yeah…I could do that.” I eagerly responded. But then I asked the question that squashed all plans for our newly impending roommate-hood. “Are you asking me this because you want to fix my apartment situation, or are you doing this because you really want to live with me?”
His response: “70% because I want to help fix your problem, 30% because I want to really live with you.”
Well. That was the snap back to reality that I needed. 30% was not enough to make me feel like it was right. We weren’t ready.
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Flash forward a year and 3 months. Bernie is the owner of a condo in Brighton and I am living with 3 other girls about a street away. Everything worked out for both of us – I found a few friends to live with for the year, and Bernie stumbled upon a condo a street away from my apartment that he loved and was at the right price. Win, win. But now, with almost two years under our belt, we’re finally following through on the question he asked me over a year ago. Beginning in August, Bernie and I will be living together.
Older and little bit wiser.
I’ve never lived with a boy before, not even a male roommate. Bernie is actually my first long-term boyfriend I’ve had since I was 15 years old. I dated a few guys in college, but none of those relationships ever became serious. I spent my earliest Twenties just having fun and “dating”, or whatever that means when you’re in college and don’t know what you want. When I met Bernie, it all changed. I really can’t see myself with anyone else at this point, and moving in together just feels right. After our first talk that day in the Spring, we decided that after a year of me living in my current apartment and him in his condo, we would both be ready. Well, the time has come and we’re finally ready.
As long as your “Bernie drunk faces” stick around, I’ll be a happy camper.
I am nervous for this next chapter in our lives, but at the same time, I’m really excited. We already spend a good amount of time together (living 2 minutes away from each other helps!) and we worked on his condo together, making it our home in preparation of me joining in. We decided on the paint color of the walls and decorations, we decided on the new flooring in the kitchen, and we decided on the furniture pieces. I think that will be key in making it less of “Sarah moving into Bernie’s space” and more of “Sarah moving into Bernie and Sarah’s space.” We’ve set the ground rules and expectations and have exhausted the different scenarios that we may come across now that we are no longer just boyfriend and girlfriend, but live-in boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re also both in better financial situations than we were a year ago.
The first night with the keys in hand!
I know it will be an adjustment but I’m hoping that adjustment will be for the better. As much as this is a major step, it doesn’t feel as scary as I once thought – but ask me in about 5 weeks and I’ll tell you how scared I am then! 
Readers: Have you ever lived with a significant other before? Married readers — did you and your significant other live together before you got married or after? Any tips for living with a mate? Words of wisdom? Rules to live by?
My parents actually didn’t live together until they were engaged. My mom refused unless there was a ring involved.